What a difference a year (or two) makes.
Days before Mother's Day in 2009, my first and only pregnancy ended in the emergency room. Mother's Day was a painful reminder of what I was not.
Last year, I went to our IVF clinic early in the morning and awaited a call from the doctor. After shots and procedures, we were hoping for a miracle. What were the odds that the test was scheduled on Mother's Day? I was certain it was a positive sign. It wasn't. Our hopes and $20,000 lost. Not pregnant.
This year, a miracle. As I type this, I am looking at our beautiful baby girl. She is sweeter and more lovely than I ever dreamed. She may not have my genes, but somehow she has my eyes. Her name means "little girl prayed for." She's the answer to years of prayers. And I am so blessed to be her mama.
If you are facing challenges and losses on your way to motherhood, I understand. The wait seems interminable. Each month waiting to take that pregnancy test feels like forever. And then the devastation when the damn thing reads "Not Pregnant." And everyone around you is getting pregnant- even those who aren't trying! And every commercial talks about babies, or motherhood, or pregnancy. But know this: your baby will find you. But it will be on his or her own terms and timeline. Somehow, someway, your baby will end up in your arms. And the long wait will make you an incredible mother. You won't take a moment for granted, you won't sweat the small stuff, and you will be grateful everyday for the little blessing in your life. And you will experience the miracle that is motherhood.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
M.I.A.
I'm a bit embarrassed by how long it has been since my last post. Yikes! I don't know how mommy bloggers do it as this new mommy can't seem to find time to blog (or be crafty for that matter.) I am blissfully busy taking care of my sweet pea. But as Baby Girl is getting bigger I anticipate that I will find the time once again.
I did want you to know that I am alive and well. And I also wanted to share a photo I took this week during our trip to Atlanta.
I was at my sweet friend Emily's home for an impromptu reunion with the Crafty Chicks, when someone wrote Mama on my cup. It was something so small, but it made me so incredibly happy.
It's been almost 4 months, and I am still over the moon.
I did want you to know that I am alive and well. And I also wanted to share a photo I took this week during our trip to Atlanta.
I was at my sweet friend Emily's home for an impromptu reunion with the Crafty Chicks, when someone wrote Mama on my cup. It was something so small, but it made me so incredibly happy.
It's been almost 4 months, and I am still over the moon.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Embracing Winter
I feel incredibly blessed that I am now living in Dallas. The forecast this week is sunny and mid-50's. But for many long winters, I wasn't as fortunate. For a girl who isn't a fan of cold weather, somehow I survived a total of 32 long, dark, and freezing winters in Pennsylvania, Minnesota, and Massachusetts. So when I was interviewed by NCB reader and WorkAwesome writer, Sarah Nagel, on how to stay healthy, happy, and energized during the winter, I felt I had a lot of experience to draw from. Here's the interview:
http://workawesome.com/general/winter-depression
The article was picked up by LifeHacker too, so you can read the tips here in a different format:
http://lifehacker.com/5719505/how-to-stay-happy-and-motivated-during-the-winter
Stay warm my dear readers and let me know your tips for embracing winter!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Worth the Wait
She didn't come when I wanted,
but she was worth the wait.
She didn't arrive how we expected,
but there is no doubt she was destined to be ours.
I wasn't the vessel,
but I was the destination.
Teeny baby girl,
you made my dream come true.
I am your mama.
And I love you.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The Right Friends
I am blessed with many "right friends." But today I want to send a special shout-out to my dear friend Reem. I haven't seen her in about two years, but that doesn't matter- I can feel her friendship despite the time and distance. When I lost my only pregnancy, she sent homemade cookies. Reem had her mother, who lives in Palestine, light a candle and say a special prayer for me and our future baby in an ancient church in the Holy Land. When IVF failed us, she sent a ceramic angel to watch over me. Recently, she mailed me a hot pink book entitled, "Bloom." It's filled with wonderful quotes like the one above, that inspire us to bloom. I look forward to sharing more of them with you. And I love the idea that her act of kindness will go through me and inspire you as well.
Thanks Reem. You've been the right friend for the past 14 years. Girl, your friendship keeps me blooming.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Rogue Blog Post
This morning I received an unexpected blog comment from my sweet friend Heather: "What a great start to the morning! It's great to see you blogging again, Kathianne. I've missed you!"
This was surprising for two reasons: 1. Heather just had her fourth baby so I don't know how she has time to read my blog and 2. I didn't write a blog post. Yep. My blog (or more accurately the email subscription service I use) randomly picked a post from March and emailed it to all my dear subscribers. You thought it looked familiar, didn't you?
It appears that the Universe (or my blog?) is sending me a message to start writing again. Or maybe there was something in that post that a subscriber needed to hear?
Anyway, my blogging hiatus wasn't planned. A while ago I told myself I wasn't going to stress about the frequency of my posts. I'm not getting paid to blog- it's just for fun and because I want to share some of myself (insights, stories, and art) with the world. (As it turns out, connecting with my readers and other bloggers has been incredibly rewarding.) It's just that over the past few weeks I just haven't been inspired to share. Actually, that's not true. A few weeks ago I wrote a really raw and revealing baby update but my husband respectfully requested I not post it. In the past, I've revealed a lot on here which I assume has not been easy for him. He's as private as I am open. And this was his first request for blogging privacy which I had no problem honoring. But after that I just got stuck. I couldn't post about what was most on my mind, and everything else seemed trivial to me. So no new posts. Until now.
So, what to share in this new post after so many weeks of silence? Well, there appears to be a bright light at the end of our long and dark (yet enlightening and insightful) journey. The last few weeks I have been busy preparing for something very special. And I can't wait to share that news with you. But I don't want to jinx it. So I am going to tell you after the fact. I hope that's okay with you.
So until next time, nourish yourself dear reader.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Off to Africa
Dear Reader, I am incredibly excited to introduce you to my sweet friend Rebecca Bedard. Rebecca is heading to Africa on October 3th for 6 weeks of volunteer work. Read on for inspiration! I'll also be interviewing her when she gets back, so stay tuned for that update!
R: I'm leaving October 3rd, and will be away for 6 weeks (starting to worry about how much stuff I need to bring, yikes!!!) I'll be working with a local non-governmental organization (NGO) called TASAAGA which is based in Kampala. They've been in existence since 1995, and have grown tremendously since then but retain their core mission - to educate people about HIV/AIDS, and provide support for those impacted by the disease, especially women and children. They have several programs, including a youth empowerment program that teaches kids the game of soccer, and incorporates a lot of HIV education to hopefully reduce risky behavior and prevent the spread of the virus in younger people; they run children's support centers and a primary school in a rural village called Sitabaale, and again incorporate HIV education - these centers primarily work with and provide primary school education for children who have been orphaned because of HIV/AIDS; they work in medical clinics and provide community education about HIV in rural fishing villages, as well as provide home visits for people living with HIV/AIDS; they run a micro lending program for women in villages surrounding the village of Sitabaale - the women receive business skill training and HIV education and a small loan (initially about $60) to begin a business that can become sustainable income for them to provide adequate food and education for their family.
R: I can only encourage your readers to think about how they want to make a meaningful difference in the world, and go out there and do it. You can make a difference in so many. many, many ways - be creative, follow your heart, do what moves you. but most of all just do it!
(Photo credit: Karin Prescott, former TASAAGA volunteer)
K: You are going to Uganda! Tell us a bit about your upcoming plans.
I will primarily be working with the micro lending program, and when I'm not busy with that, will be working at the children's center in Sitabaale doing whatever needs done - stitching boo boos, doing laundry, teaching.....whatever it is, I'm up for the challenge!!
K: How did you learn about this opportunity/ organization?
R: I spent about 2 months researching NGO's in East Africa online, focusing on Tanzania, Uganda, and Kenya. In the end, TASAAGA was the organization that did the work i was most interested in, that had been in existence for a long time, and had a great reputation. A couple of the reasons I chose to work with them was how open, friendly, and available the executive director was to answering all of my questions (he called me one afternoon after a brief email exchange to make sure he had answered my questions fully enough, and had me talk with one of the volunteers!) and the fact that in my research I found out a women who had been a volunteer there had been so moved by the experience she created another small NGO (collaborating with TASAAGA) that worked with children in some of the refugee camps in Uganda.
K: A lot of people have plans to go to Africa (or somewhere) and volunteer (myself included!) but never get around to fulfilling that dream. How did you decide to jump in and do it now?
R: I wanted to do something like this a few years ago, but on a smaller scale. i had been discouraged from doing it then by receiving feedback that to go to Africa for 2 weeks to volunteer would not be helpful - by the time i would get there and be trained, it would be time to leave, which would make the experience likely wonderful for me, but ultimately would waste limited resources of the program. So i waited until i had the financial resources to go for an extended time, and also a boss who was willing to let me go and hold my job for me!
But that is the practical side of it. Truly I decided to go now because I had been feeling like I was meant to do something, but wasn't sure what. I had also been reading the book Half the Sky by Nicholas Kristoff, chronicling the resilience of women worldwide against arduous, violent, and oppressive circumstances. So I started praying for the Lord to use my talent, skill, and desires in whatever way would make a difference. I started volunteering in an after school program, thinking it would be that " something" but it wasn't. One morning in church, listening to the sermon it hit me that i was meant to work with women, to help them improve their lives. for reasons I'm still not clear about, I just felt drawn to East Africa.
I chose to work with the micro lending program at TASAAGA because I want to try and make a sustainable difference in women's lives - even if one woman I work with is able to start a business so she can reliably feed her children, send them to school, keep herself and her family healthy it will be the most amazing satisfaction. But I fully expect what i gain from the program, and particularly from the shared experience with the women, will be so much more than I am able to give to them.
But that is the practical side of it. Truly I decided to go now because I had been feeling like I was meant to do something, but wasn't sure what. I had also been reading the book Half the Sky by Nicholas Kristoff, chronicling the resilience of women worldwide against arduous, violent, and oppressive circumstances. So I started praying for the Lord to use my talent, skill, and desires in whatever way would make a difference. I started volunteering in an after school program, thinking it would be that " something" but it wasn't. One morning in church, listening to the sermon it hit me that i was meant to work with women, to help them improve their lives. for reasons I'm still not clear about, I just felt drawn to East Africa.
I chose to work with the micro lending program at TASAAGA because I want to try and make a sustainable difference in women's lives - even if one woman I work with is able to start a business so she can reliably feed her children, send them to school, keep herself and her family healthy it will be the most amazing satisfaction. But I fully expect what i gain from the program, and particularly from the shared experience with the women, will be so much more than I am able to give to them.
R: Kane will be on "vacation" at the "spa" In other words, he'll be staying at my parents, receiving innumerable treats, bellyrubs, attention,.....I will surely have a hard time "deprogramming" him from it!
K: How can NCB readers support you?
R: TASAAGA is a non-profit organization that runs totally on donations. currently they are fundraising for two projects - the second phase of the micro lending program: the goal is $1200 for a group business - 6 women are looking to open a bakery, with all of them working, sharing profits, and repaying the loan. And the bigger fundraiser is to start a medical clinic in the village of Sitabaale, which will serve it, and the surrounding 5 villages. currently people in these villages have to walk for 3 hours to the closest government clinic for medical attention (imagine walking 3 hours with your very sick child, or with a broken leg......)
The website for TASAAGA is www.tasaaga.org On there you will find a link for a donations page. Unfortunately they do not have means for electronic donations. If you decide to send a check, please just write my name somewhere on it - once a volunteer raises funds, I have oversight of them, and I want to be able to contact you and report how your donation was used!
The website for TASAAGA is www.tasaaga.org On there you will find a link for a donations page. Unfortunately they do not have means for electronic donations. If you decide to send a check, please just write my name somewhere on it - once a volunteer raises funds, I have oversight of them, and I want to be able to contact you and report how your donation was used!
K: Is there anything else you want to add?
Here's a bit more about Rebecca in her own words:
I've been a nurse for 14 years, and specialize in psychiatry. I also have a master's degree in public health, and have spent time doing health coaching (where I luckily met Kathianne!), managing grant projects, and running an outpatient clinic. I've lived in Boston the majority of my adult life, but am ready to move somewhere I no longer have to shovel snow! I have the most awesome dog, a 140lb bullmastiff named Kane - he really is like an enormous non-verbal two year old : )
Bon Voyage Rebecca! Safe travels and we can't wait to hear about your adventures (and see some photos) when you get back.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Bibliophilia: 12 Surprising Reasons Why I Have a Love Affair with Books
My husband and I just celebrated our five-year wedding anniversary last week.
But I confess, I also have another love.
Books.
1. Give You Power: Knowledge is power and books are filled with knowledge. When I have an issue that seems to rob my power (relationship issues, IVF, the adoption process), reading about the issue or how other women dealt with it helps me to feel more in control and better able to make informed decisions. Fortunately, no matter what problem you have, there are always a hundred self-help books about it. Unfortunately they usually have conflicting advice.
2. Allow You to Be a Detective: You can learn a lot about your friends and acquaintances by checking out their bookshelf.
3. Make You Seem Intelligent: I was at a dinner last week when someone made a comment about John Galt. I'd already felt super proud of myself for having made it through Atlas Shrugged -it's as long than the Bible- but at that moment, I felt incredibly intelligent -or at least well-read- at a table with 3 surgeons.
4. Are Portable: I rarely go anywhere without a book in my bag. So I carry a larger handbag, but they're in style anyway. This habit is leftover from my days riding the T in Boston. Public transportation without a book is a no-no. Which leads me to the next reason....
5. Increase Patience: Books make any wait pleasurable. Long line at the post office or dentist? Friend running late? Not a problem, I brought a book. I can wait patiently. And me being more patient- that's a BIG deal.
6. Build Character: Memoirs give insight into other people's lives. Reading about other people's tragedies and triumphs fills me with empathy, gratitude, and inspiration. And as a bonus: they can simultaneously satisfy one's inner voyeur.
7. Are Colorful Home Decor: Our loft is filled with books that are arranged by color (a tip I got from a decorating magazine years ago.) Being surrounded by books makes me feel at home. And comforted.
Disclaimer: Color coordinating your books makes it a challenge to locate a book. You have to remember the color of the spine. NOT easy.
8. Enhance Connection: Although I've only ever been a book club drop out (too many books, too little time to read what I want to read) it was fun to connect with the club members for those first 2 meetings.
8. Enhance Connection: Although I've only ever been a book club drop out (too many books, too little time to read what I want to read) it was fun to connect with the club members for those first 2 meetings.
9. Are Hangover Free Mood Enhancers: When I am feeling down, getting into bed (or into a bath) with a book provides a temporary escape from my problems.
10. Provide Hours of Entertainment: This year I decided to track my bibliophilia. Since January 1st I've completed 21 books and have read over 6486 pages. Yikes! That's a lot of time I could have been cleaning, working, or perhaps doing something others may consider more "productive." But I'm okay with it. The words fill my mind and nourish my spirit. What's really more productive than that?11. Are Inexpensive: You can get them for cheap at the Goodwill or free when you swap with friends or visit the public library. I mourn being able to go weekly to the Boston Public Library. Now I frequent bookstores (so soothing) and rarely leave without a purchase (not so soothing). In fact, as I type this I'm at Borders.
12. Are A Side-Effect Free Sleeping Aid: I read every night when I get in bed. It makes my eyes tired and helps me fall asleep. Otherwise I lie there thinking, thinking, thinking......
So, what to read? Getting book recommendations is the best. I love when friends pass along their favorite reads. Please leave a comment and let me know what books you've enjoyed and which ones have left their mark on you. I've done the same for you below.
Here are my favorite reads so far from this year.
1. The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World by A.J. Jacobs.
2. Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult
3. The Other Bolyn Girl by Phillipa Gregory
4. The Help by Kathryn Stocket
5. Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott
6. Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Welcome to Texas
We just moved into our new place on Thursday. We're up to our ears in boxes and without cable, internet, or a clue where anything is (in the apartment or in Dallas). But I wanted to write a quick post and let you know we have arrived. Our stuff has arrived. And I'm now officially a Texan.
It still seems surreal that we are living in Texas!
But I don't have to look far to be reminded that yes, we are in Texas.
In Boston we had statues of Sam Adams.
In Atlanta, MLK, Jr.
In Dallas, cowboys and cattle.
Nice chaps! And spurs.
I'm sending lots of love from the Lone Star State to all my friends across the country.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
And the winner is.....
Congratulations to Rachel Awes! She is the winner of the first NCB giveaway. Rachel will receive a $70 gift certificate to CSN Stores. Not too shabby! (FYI: I used the random number generator at random.org to find our winner. Such a nifty little service. Rachel was the 5th post of 19 and 5 turned out to be lucky.)
Thanks to all who participated and keep on reading- I plan to do lots more giveaways!
Thanks to all who participated and keep on reading- I plan to do lots more giveaways!
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