Thursday, May 7, 2009

A Story Still Being Written

When I wrote the last blog post, I thought the story of my first pregnancy had ended. I was ready to move on and look forward. However, I found out yesterday that the story is not over. And, I feel I owe it to my readers to provide an update. I’ve received many emails asking if I am okay and asking how the ultrasound went yesterday. Your kind words have nourished me. You were with me on the first part of this journey, so I want to also include you now.

The ultrasound revealed I did not miscarry. As of yesterday, I was six weeks pregnant. It was not good news as the baby is not in my uterus, but in my fallopian tube. Ectopic pregnancy, as it is called, is a very dangerous condition that occurs in less than 2% of pregnancies. The Ob told me and my husband it is the main cause of maternal death in pregnancy. The baby grows very rapidly in early weeks and the fallopian tube is tiny. It is not made to expand and therefore can burst and cause hemorrhaging and possible death to the mother. I did not have any of the risk factors for ectopic pregnancy, so it is a mystery as to why this happened. We spent several hours yesterday in the ER, where they gave me a drug that will stop the development of the fetus. When they gave me the shot, I knew it was ending my first pregnancy. There was no choice; the baby cannot continue to grow without killing me in the process. Even so, I felt sad about it. I am thankful that they were unable to hear the heartbeat. That would have been even more painful.

I have to continue to get blood tests to make sure the medication worked and the pregnancy is not progressing. If it continues to progress, we can try another shot or I will need surgery to remove the fetus. Surgery can damage the fallopian tube and decrease my future fertility.

I’ve been searching for meaning in this challenge, and so far I have come up with a small list:
  1. My husband and I have grown even closer dealing with this.
  2. I have been surrounded by love and positive energy from friends and family.
  3. I know if I finally get to have a baby, it will be worth the wait.
  4. I am growing and adding depth to my character because of this situation. This situation will help me to bloom into my best self.
  5. I have realized my vulnerability is also what makes me powerful.
On Tuesday, a consoling friend shared this beautiful quote with me: "Women’s tears are a river that carry them to their dreams." If this is true, I am well on my way.

If you are a mother who has been blessed with children, look at them today and be grateful. If you are yet to be a mother and are having difficulty becoming one, know that you are not alone.


  1. wow. i can't believe the thing you most want is also the thing that could kill you in this case. what a wild hare story. almost like a flying pig sighting. something huge will come out of this. just you wait and see. i'm sitting on the edge of my seat along side with you. strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. He is mighty to save and through him no thing is impossible.

  2. So sorry to hear of the latest news. (And, very concerned for your health, now.) I know this is very difficult for you (tiny understatement). I'm so glad your husband was with you yesterday. It's wonderful that you're taking this time in the midst of this challenge to be optimistic about lessons learned and character building. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

  3. hopefully my tears will add to the flow of your river Kats, I am so sorry but I do know that there is no IF for you having a child, I have faith that God will always grant us the desires of our hearts in His time. My sister Rhonda was unable to bear her own children do to her ovaries shutting down when she was 22y/o but she now has 2 beautiful children of her own and very happy. I will continue to pray for you & you hubby and also for your quick recovery...emotionally and physically!
    <3 Kerry

  4. Anonymous9:43 PM CDT

    I love you and I sincerely believe that your patience, spirit and strength are an inspiration to us all.

    You WILL have a child and it will be the luckiest child EVER!
    If I can do anything to help you during this difficult time, please let me.

    I love you.
    Rachel Baker